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Blackout
plans his revenge
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Usually I don't like to make prank calls to harass people.
I am in it for the strange situations and characters that I can create, and
the comedy that results from the interaction between myself and the person
or people on the other end of the line who think it is real. In this
instance though, a certain chinese buffetin Fort Pierce Florida really pissed
me off.
I was on my way back from a fun Orlando trip with a friend when her car
broke down and we became trapped in Fort Pierce, a crappy little town in
the middle of Florida with not much to do in it other than have your car
fixed when it breaks down so that you can get the hell out of there.
The part that my friend needed was of
course not in stock at the rip off garage we were towed to, so we were forced
to stay across the street at a seedy hotel that reminded my very much of the
one Nicholos Cage's character stays in in the movie Leaving Las Vegas.
There weren't many dining options around us, so the next afternoon while
we were still waiting for the car part to show up, we decided to go to a chinese
buffet restaurant that was next to the repair shop.
What a mistake.
You'd think that I would have known from the lack of any cars in the parking
lot, and the lack of any people in the restaurant, not to eat there. But the
lack of any other food alternatives around, on top of the lack of any food
in my stomach led to the lack of my will power to listen to my spider sense
- and my spider sense told me to get the hell out of there.
But how bad could it be?
BAD. Really bad, bad as bad can be. Bad to the bone, and the bone
was rotten. Rotten bad. It was the worst chinese food I had ever seen, and
I've seen some bad chinese food. But I was starving, starving I tell you,
so I walked up to the buffet table and attempted to go with something simple,
"just some fried rice," I thought, as I tried to pick up some with a serving
spoon, but I couldn't get some fried rice, I could only get THE fried rice,
because it was all stuck together in a dried out plasticine union. The fried
rice was one with itself, there would be no stray carrot, pea, or rice grain
that would just hop on to the serving spoon for a ride to my plate. On
top of that, every other food choice in the place was rotten, and when I attempted
to get a refund they wouldn't give it to me.
They wouldn't just give me money back when I ate nothing on their buffet.
So now they will deal with my comedic wrath.
Credits:
John Blackman - Michael Biggins (Blackout)
Buttworm poster - Stacey Hummel
(c) 1995-2003 Blackout's Box Studios
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